Closure to the Flame
by RainbowTrashy
Summary: Tortured by the regrets of not being able to prevent Mello's death, Near finds himself in a cycle of thoughts and sleepless nights. Little does he know, Mello can hear him loud and clear and intends to stay by him for awhile longer than Near expected. The art in the cover ISN'T MINE. It belongs to HaleyBopComet, an amazing artist whom you should go look at. CURRENTLY ON HIATUS!
1. Chromatic Echo

Chapter 1: Chromatic Echo

It was another one of those nights. Those nights that left the silver haired boy restless, overthinking, and talking to himself. Rethinking almost every decision he had made, trying to find a new, preferable outcome. He knew how illogical this was, knowing he couldn't change the past. What's done is done, and there was no use dwelling on it, yet there he sat with a knee to his chest, staring blankly at the ruffled mess his bedding had become. His thoughts were put on hold as his eyes trailed over to the clock, squinting lightly as he tried to make out the numbers in the darkness.

 _4:35am._

Yes, it was one of _those_ nights. Near long ago lost track of how many times this happened, giving up counting after what felt like the thirtieth. This had happened many times since then, thoughts too clouded with regret to get a moments rest. He let out sigh, turning toward the window which was letting in a small amount of light from behind the curtains. He shifted, moving one leg to the ground and keeping the other pulled up to his chest. This was the third sleepless night this week and dark bags were becoming apparent under his eyes, standing out against all of the silvery white aspects of his appearance. His eyes drifted closed though he could hardly sit still in his restless state. Despite this, he remained still other than the rising and falling of his chest, fighting down the urge to fidget or tap his foot or anything similar. Part of him saw this as an act of practicing self-control in order to make up for his faltering emotional stability.

The thoughts started again, lashing out from the shadows of the room until they surrounded the pale boy. Tonight, like the others, had a goal, or at least his mind did. Think back, remember, rethink, and choose. Choose differently, take the new scenario and make more choices until a better outcome was achieved.

"I should've stopped Mello from leaving Wammy's. The small decision of letting him leave without a protest is one of the things that led to this ending." Near's thoughts left him as a whisper, cold yet soft, like freshly fallen snow.

Though Near knew that the blonde's future likely would've been brighter if he hadn't gotten involved in the Mafia, part of him was glad that he had. Near would never know the details of what had happened to the chocoholic in climbing the ranks of the Mafia, but it had surely changed him. Maybe not obviously on the surface, but he was certain that Mello was different after that. But he was still Mello, in all his fiery array of emotions. Near admired who the rambunctious child he grew up with had become, and he was almost certain that he would've ended up quite different without the Mafia's influence. Despite this, Near was almost convinced that if he had stayed at the orphanage, the chance of him being alive would increase by at least 20%.

Suppose this worked out and Mello stayed. The both of them would be the next L and take on the Kira case. Even better, the incidents involving Sayu Yagami wouldn't have occurred, nor would have the events leading up to the scar that would always remain on the chocoholic's face until the end. With both of their minds working together making up for the traits that the other lacked, they would've caught Kira much quicker than they had. Along with this, Mello would be alive along with others that had died all too soon.

Near wondered what he would be doing now if the blonde had remained in his life. Surely he wouldn't still be here, losing sleep on 'what-if's and regrets. No, he would likely be sleeping soundly, safely grounded in the satisfaction of winning the game of cat and mouse that he had played with Light Yagami for so long, along with preventing a number of possible casualties, Mello included among the names. Perhaps when he awoke tomorrow morning he could pick up the phone and call Mello and ask to see him for no other reason than to feel his presence, or perhaps discuss the memories they had surely made while on the Kira case, or even remissness as far back as their days in Winchester. Mello would smile, Near would likely remain emotionless on the outside but content in his heart. It felt so close, so simple, almost as if it could be reality if he would happen to pick up the phone and dial the familiar number once the sun rose.

The ghost of a smile formed onto his lips for the first time in the 8 months since the Kira case was deemed officially closed. Near opened his eyes, the smile instantly gone as the moonlit room reentered his vision. The colorful, sunlit vision of Mello's smile vanished along with his own grin. It was almost like waking up from a good dream, though worse as it left behind a painful weight in his chest. How did rethinking a simple choice he made as a thirteen year old child end up with him feeling even more devastated and regretful than before due to the idea of once again speaking with the blonde?

As Near pondered on this question, he reached a conclusion. "...No. I have to stop this. This is taking too much of a toll on my mental state. I'm in the position of L and I can't afford any more distractions. Mello… I'm sorry I let you vanish, but I need to get you out of my head." There was a pause, almost as if he were giving the darkness around him time to respond. Though the closest thing he got to a reply was a wave of guilt at his own words, soon to leave his mouth. "Why did I allow myself to grow attached to you?"

Near almost fell off the bed in shock as he heard an all-too-familiar voice answer from the shadows behind him.

 _"Simple. Because you're an idiot."_

A/N: Aaaaaa this is so bad! And short. I think I'll continue it if people actually like it, though.


	2. Vision of Grief

Chapter 2: Vision of Grief

 _"Simple. Because you're an idiot."_

Near was certain he was imagining that voice. This was completely illogical, going against any sense of logic, even reality itself. Sure, his idea of logic was defied at learning of the existence of Shinigami, but this was different. The existence of gods of death was surprising, yet the proof was clear as day. But this…

No. Mello was gone, and there was no getting him back. Near reached up slowly, taking hold of a lock of his hair and twisting it between his fingers. He let out a sigh at the familiar sensation, though overall it didn't do much to ease his bewilderment.

"Near. You wouldn't have jumped like that if you couldn't hear me." That same voice, albeit now tinted with slight annoyance, once again spoke up from the silence of the room. Near didn't freeze up this time, though he still didn't dare to turn around. Mello could be standing there, somehow alive and well. Or, he wouldn't be there and Near would then likely miss the blonde even more. Somehow, both possibilities were equally terrifying.

"I must have fallen asleep and not realized it. There's no way you're in this world at all anymore, let alone standing behind me. Perhaps my lack of sleep is affecting me more than I realized. Though I'm not as mentally well as usual, I don't believe I would go as far as to say that I've gone so crazy as to begin having auditory hallucinations. I'm either asleep or exhausted. You simply can't be real." Near felt foolish for even bothering to acknowledge the presence in speaking aloud, yet he couldn't help but hope to hear a response.

 _Near's world had been dark. It had always been this way. His mind was nothing but a damp, cold, uncaring world. Droplets of water would be heard, resonating with deductions and numbers. It was always like this, and the boy didn't mind it._

 _Once he arrived at Wammy's, there he met a chocolate-loving child who held desire and passion; both things that Near had lacked. It was almost like Mello was a fire, albeit a small one amongst the darkness. But that light was enough to give Near a small amount of warmth in his usually cold state. Even when the flame was distant, it was always there; hiding away in his thoughts. Yet, one day, the once candlelit area returned to complete blackness, and Near could swear that it was colder than before. The flame went out in the midst of a wind, lacking a reason or any form of closure._

"You can't honestly believe that you're just dreaming this up; you're smarter than that. You should be able to tell when you're awake. Go ahead and pinch yourself to wake up, or try to make me say something stupid to prove that it's not your imagination. Whatever you need to do to believe that I'm real, just hurry up and do it."

Instead of pinching his arm as most would, Near went back to twisting his hair, pulling on it until he felt a dull pain. _In that case, I'm either hallucinating or imagining things._ He concluded. Despite the certainty behind his thoughts, he decided to attempt to control what Mello's voice was saying, just to prove that it was simply an overactive imagination, nothing more. _Something Mello would never say… Either that I'm better than him, or that he hates chocolate. I can be certain that he would never even think those two things, let alone state them._ Near willed the voice to say anything along those lines, putting all of his focus into it. A few times his mind said them in Mello's voice, though it didn't have the realism of the voice behind him.

"It's… It's not possible. I refuse to believe it." He whispered. "I'm going crazy…"

"No, you're not, you're being closed-minded and stubborn. Now will you stop with your midlife crisis and actually talk to me?"

Near wanted to turn around more than anything. The thought of Mello actually being behind him was driving him crazy, yet he held his ground. There was no way for Mello to be standing behind him. This must be some type of imaginative ideal played out by his subconscious. Hallucinations caused by grief weren't all that uncommon, though Near believed that being aware of the reality would cancel out any possible illusionary fantasies.

 _Mello is dead._ This was not a negotiable statement.

 _He isn't coming back._ Just another echoing droplet in his mind; a fact.

 _Mello is gone._ There's no one but himself between these walls.

"Near…" The voice started again.

"Mello is dead." Near cut him off, trying to state this firmly though it came out slightly shaky. Nobody else would be able to pick up on the slight change from his usual tone except for a certain blonde that never let anything slide by him if it had to do with the white-haired boy.

"You're right." There was a slight hesitation to the words, yet Mello's confidence was still there behind them. The words only furthered Near's bewilderment at the whole situation.

"Then Mello isn't standing behind me. You're an illusion." The same tone was present. Near wanted Mello to somehow be alive behind him more than anything, yet he forced down any form of hope in order to make room for more realistic possibilities.

"No, I'm not an illusion." There was no hesitation this time. "You're being as stubborn as I usually am."

Near took a breath for the mental preparation of what he was about to do. He bit his lip, lowering the leg which was at his chest to the floor to meet his other. He slowly turned himself to the other side of the room, fully expecting to see nothing but the shadow of his bed plastered along the wall with the majority of the room illuminated by the radiance of the moon. He was ready for the ache that the confirmation of simply being delusional would surely abandon him with.

But that wasn't what he received.

Instead, he saw the face of the one that had filled his thoughts on these nights for so many months. The moonlight shone through him, giving him a slight transient glow. The sight was completely incredulous, though there was a type of beauty to it that could never be described to a point of recreation.

Near's eyes went wide at the sight, practically paralyzed. He wasn't afraid, just completely shocked. There was no room to deny it now; Mello was in front of him.

The blonde smiled, though not like his usual complacent grin. This was different; sad, empathetic, and almost apologetic. None of these emotions seemed to suit the blonde. The annoyance that was previously present in his voice was seemingly gone now that the toy loving boy had finally accepted his presence in the room.

"Hey, Near."


	3. The Angel from my Nightmare

**A/N: If any of you know how I got the idea for this chapter title, I'll love you forever.**

Chapter 3: The Angel from my Nightmare:

No. This was wrong. Every sense of Near's being was screaming that this couldn't be happening. His eyes were wide, staring at the blonde. Different emotions clouding his eyes―bewilderment, amenability, repudiation.

Near quickly closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to regain his composure. No longer was he in the safe solitude of being able to show the emotions he couldn't kill off. No, he wasn't the only presence in the room and as such he had to build up the walls of his usual facade and fast. Letting another see your emotions is a crucial move that could easily lead to your downfall, as emotion led to impulsivity, which led to predictability, which means you lose the game as your opponent will see right through you. He had known this since he was young, yet the azure eyes looking back into his own once they opened again still managed to make his chest clench.

His eyes trailed to the ground in order to hopefully gain a state of equanimity, which didn't seem possible when meeting the azure orbs that seemed to show right into Mello's soul. "Explain." The word came as a whisper.

"Sorry, could you speak up?" Mello requested, looking away momentarily. When he looked back at the pale boy, the blonde was stunned at the gray eyes baring into his own with a surprising amount of coldness.

"I said explain, Mello." He demanded. Near couldn't help the burn of anger rising in his chest, though he forced it down as best he could. How could Mello do this to him? Near was already in enough misery as it is, and right when he had decided it was time to let go of the grief, he showed up. Mello had no right to cheat him out of stability like this. Chess pieces could never be revived in real life. There was no goal as a pawn to reach the other side of the board; evading the opposing king, gaining power, even returning another piece from the dead. Such "miracles" did not happen in real life. This may be a game, but chess was surely a more pleasant one. Mello was lost, and it didn't make sense to have him back. Even when the king of the opposing side has toppled over off the board completely, even when you can no longer hear the echoes of it hitting the board on its side, even when the battle itself was all but erased from the memories of everyone involved, nothing would bring back what is once lost.

 _"_ _The human using this note can never go to Heaven nor Hell."_

The reminder sent chills down Near's spine. "If I recall, you never directly used the notebook. Am I wrong?" He raised a brow, knowing neither answer could shake the eerie feeling of the unnatural scenario. It made him feel as if needles were pricked into his skin down into his bones, keeping him tense though his overall exterior was stoic.

"I don't think it matters if I was the one to write the names. I still held ownership of the book, and it was used on my accord, so apparently that counts..." Mello shrugged lightly, eyes once again trailing away from his former rival. Near observed this quietly though he made no comment on it. The blonde had always been confident, too much for his own good. He was never afraid to speak his mind—even when the timing was inappropriate. It wasn't like him to speak quietly or avoid eye contact. The Mello that Near knew would look him straight in the eyes and say exactly what needs said, no matter how much Near's dark pools bore into his own azure ones.

"I see… And how long have you been like this?" Near inquired, referring to his state which seemingly consisted of nothing but a soul, a transient form, and a consciousness.

"Ever since the fire." He muttered. His voice was hushed like a child when being scolded by their parent, not wanting to respond but knowing it was necessary. He shifted his weight between his feet, though his sense of gravity was disoriented. Any sense of the physical world felt torn from the blonde, yet he still remained present.

Near's inquiries continued, wanting an in-depth explanation to what the hell happened in these months of Mello's absent existence. "Why are you only speaking to me now?"

The blonde sighed, sinking to the ground with his legs crossed over each other. The moonlight shone directly onto his form, illuminating his azure eyes momentarily when they drifted upwards to once again meet Near's. A small fraction of the previous timidity in his tone was absent when he spoke, now replaced with his characteristic seriousness. "I've been here the whole time. I don't have a physical form anymore, so I could never make any form of contact with you. It took some time, but I found a way that I can take energy. It had to build up for a while, but it clearly worked."

The white haired boy held a great deal of skepticism to the explanation, though he continued to listen. His thoughts momentarily trailed back to when he had learned of the existence of shinigami. This situation wasn't much different—Mello once again had no reason to lie to him, and if he did, he could use something believable at least. Near let out a sigh, finally accepting the truth. "And what might this…Energy source…Consist of?"

"Your sleep." The transient boy said simply, said in a tone similar to responding "good" when asked "how are you?"

Near felt his heart sink at the realization that Mello must've heard every last thing he had said on those sleepless nights; apparently caused by the aforementioned himself. "Oh." This was the only response that Near could muster without his robotic mask once again cracking.

The former chocoholic—Near assumed he could no longer consume the candy—looked back at the ground. "... I didn't know that I had that much of an impact on you."

The younger's jaw tightened against the words that threatened to break free at any moment. He inhaled slowly, as to gain a few extra moments to contemplate his reply. He exhaled in a weary sigh. "And how could you not, dear Mello?"

 _Out of all the thought-filled insomnia consumed nights, the first one was the worst of them all. It took around a month for Mello's death to have its full impact on Near. It first occurred due to a nightmare, which the pale boy hardly experienced. Most of the time he didn't dream at all, let alone in vivid, horrific details that would leave him a mess at awakening. Yet, that is exactly what happened this night._

 _There were two sides to the dream. The first being actual, unaltered memories. Near wasn't one to reminisce, let alone allow himself to dwell on the past, and yet the early days of being at Wammy's still tugged at the thin threads of emotional human nature in him. Back at the early age of five he had arrived in Winchester's institution. Although he had still seen unimaginable horrors for most children's minds to even comprehend, he still had strings of innocence wrapped around his mind at this age. Of course this too was shattered remotely fast as the pressures of being a top contending L successor weighed down on him._

 _It didn't take long for Near to not only be favored by Roger, but well regarded by Watari and L himself. Things only changed when a boy with bobbed blonde hair came to the orphanage, expecting the same treatment Near had already acquired since he had been considered a genius in a different orphanage. As a result, he was transferred to Wammy's House in hopes of honing his skills even further and succeeding the world renowned detective—that is if it weren't for Near._

 _Mello and Near had actually taken to each other fairly quickly on the first day before academics became involved. Once the older of the two had gotten a lower score than Near on a test by two points, the thin glass of a bond between them had shattered on Mello's side, taking Near's down with it. Not to say they didn't have their moments—on each other's birthdays they both sent one another anonymous gifts. Despite them never having a name, they knew who was sending them. It was a mutual, unspoken agreement between them not to question the motives behind such actions. Even on Mello's side, there was no disdain towards such gestures._

 _Years went by. Mello left, and Near didn't see him for years, though he had always wondered about the blonde. Those piercing, azure eyes were engraved into his memory, never to be forgotten about._

 _Once Near had officially taken over as the new L, he had tracked down Mello's whereabouts and was able to confirm his safety without the chocoholic's knowledge._

 _At the near end of the Kira case, Near witnessed Mello's death through the surveillance. His eyes remained dull through it, no reaction whatsoever on his exterior. Internally, he went completely numb._

 _This is when the dream turned away from the memorable aspects. They would be filled with screaming; Mello's screaming. All of Near's senses were heightened aside from his sight, which was completely black, and his sense of touch, since he was completely numb. His head pounded with the shrieks, nose and throat choked with smoke with a sickening undertaste of burning flesh. This went on for what felt like a full hour before going silent aside from the cackling sound of flames._

 _Near awoke in a cold sweat, eyes wide and looking around frantically, letting out a sigh of relief at his familiar surroundings instead of the black, numb place he had been before. He sat up quietly, trying to calm his breathing._

 _"_ _Just a dream…" He reached up and began playing with a lock of hair, slightly damp from the perspiration. He hadn't been doing the action for even a full ten seconds before freezing._

 _No._

 _This wasn't a dream._

 _Mello was truly dead._

 _Those memories were gone—never to happen again._

 _Near felt a choking warmth in his throat. No matter how much he swallowed against it, willing for it to stop, it only grew. His chest felt heavy as his breath hitched in his throat. Near bit his bottom lip in a final, futile effort to stop the pathetic display, even if nobody would be there to see it. Needless to say, his efforts made no difference. He let out a quiet, choked sob, shutting his eyes tightly as if the shadows in the room were the ones causing this living nightmare. Near's usual pale complexion was now red, eyes growing slightly puffy from the sobs. He pulled both of his knees up to his chest, trembling as he let himself cry for the first time since he arrived at the orphanage that he was raised in._


	4. Redolent Inauguration

Chapter 4: Redolent Inauguration

" _Very well done, Near!" The exclaim from the teacher was no surprise to the said child let alone to any of the other children. It was practically routine at this point; no pride in the accomplishment nor was there any disdain from the other, lesser acknowledged orphans._

" _Thank you." The reply came just as easily as hearing the aforementioned words. The teacher's hand moved over Near's desk momentarily to set down a paper before moving on. There was no need to look down at the assignment to know what his score would be, and yet his dark eyes trailed down to it anyway in a customary manner._

 _A perfect score._

 _Near sighed, taking the paper and stashing it away with ease, just like the rest of the papers earlier received. Things had been going on like this for nearly three years, and to put it simply, the pale boy was growing bored. This wasn't a boredom with life, per say, simply with the orphanage. The assignments were all a blur of similar tasks all resulting in the red markings of a one hundred percent._

" _Class dismissed." The instructor's voice rang out again. The white haired child stood from his seat and quietly pushed his chair in, continuing to follow his conventional actions. At this point it felt like he was under a light haze, legs moving robotically as he continued through the programmed motions. He was already half out the door when a childish voice reached his ears, snapping him out of the heaviness of his mental solitude._

" _Hey, Near! Wait up!" Near turned to meet the eyes of a young girl whom he recognized to be Linda, another one of the orphans at Wammy's. Although she wasn't within Near's range of academic skill, she was a talented artist, able to draw realistic images in remarkable time. "We're getting a new kid today!" She giggled excitedly. Near described the slightly younger child as a bit flighty, though she wasn't unkind._

" _Is that so?" He questioned. The pale boy hadn't heard anything of a new arrival. He pondered on this for a moment, eventually concluding that since he spent all his time in the common room by himself, it would make sense for him to occasionally miss such information. "If it's not too much trouble, could you fill me in on any information we have on the child?" He requested. Though Near didn't have much interest in what would be considered social conduct, that didn't mean that he didn't have his curiosities on the other children._

" _Well," Linda started. "Apparently he was at a different orphanage before. He's supposed to be super smart, but I doubt he's as smart as you." She shrugged lightly. Near's academic skills were significantly higher than all the other children's. Most of the other children either avoided Near completely, or saw him as a target for bullying, knowing that although his mind was sharp, he was physically weak. The majority of students pretended like Near didn't exist. Linda was the only exception to these categories of treatment; always wanting Near to come play, to which he always denied. It wasn't that the pale boy had anything against the other orphans, it was just that he didn't care much for friends in general. He had always been content within his reclusive yet observant nature._

" _I see. I take it that Roger will be giving him an alias right away, then?" Near inquired. There was a sort of system at Wammy's. Only the top students were bothered to be given an alias, since the others would likely not be targeted by any sort of criminals such as Kira let alone end up as the new L. Near was, of course, given an alias right away. The only other student who received one was Matt. Though the redhead did well in the classes when he put in the effort, he had never shown much interest in actually becoming the next L. His interests were more directed to video games. Like Near, he didn't have much interest in making friends. As such, he fell into the category of children that ignored the top student._

" _I don't really know. From what I've been told, it sounds like his IQ is around Matt's. For now Roger said to just call him M." Linda continued. "I think he's nine." She added after a moment's pause._

 _Near nodded in acknowledgement. "Thank you for informing me." He turned back to the doorway, curiosity as satisfied as possible for the moment. Linda turned back to the classroom, clearly planning on staying there. Her light colored pigtails swung lightly with the motion as she started up a conversation with the teacher._

" _Someone close to my level of intelligence… How interesting." Near murmured too low for anyone else to hear. Since Matt didn't care much about becoming L, someone with a higher level of deductive skills would be interesting for Near. Perhaps even providing a challenge for the pale boy._

" _This is Wammy's House?" A small frown formed onto the young blonde's lips as an average taxi pulled up to the deceivingly average-looking training facility. "Looks pretty ordinary if you ask me." He muttered._

" _My job is just to provide secure transportation for L's successors. I don't know anything about the inside, but I'm sure it's more impressive than you're expecting." A middle-aged man responded nonchalantly, taping the end of a cigarette on the side of his partially rolled-down window._

 _A sigh escaped the blonde's lips. "Fine, fine. Thanks for the ride, I guess." He pulled on the door handle, murmuring a complaint as it didn't open._

" _Oops, sorry." A smirk played on the man's lips as he turned off the child-safety locks. The child rolled his eyes before trying the handle again, eyes brightening a tad in anticipation as it opened. He scooted out of the seat, pulling a small burgundy suitcase across the seats and out the car door once his feet hit the ground._

" _Don't crack, kid." The taxi driver waved as he pulled away from the orphanage, leaving the nine year old completely baffled at the cryptic words. He turned towards the gates of his new home, deciding to keep his focus on the present though the driver's words still stuck in his mind._

 _The blonde, currently being referred to as M, had been in two different orphanages since the age of six, when he was first orphaned. This would be the third. After achieving outstanding grades in a normal orphanage, he was put through different levels of high ability classes until he was transferred to an orphanage specialized for gifted children. After being there for a year at the top of his class, his name was found under Wammy's radar. The director had contacted his former residence and had found a way to talk them into transferring M to Wammy's House._

 _M had grown weary of moving about. At the first news of his moving, he was full of disdain at the idea. Though after the assurance that he would be staying for the rest of his youth, he soon gave in and agreed to the transfer. Normally, the children wouldn't be given the freedom the choose these things for themselves, but M was a special case due to his higher intelligence for his age._

 _The blonde somewhat tentatively opened the gate, meeting the dark blue eyes of a redheaded boy around an inch shorter than himself. The redhead broke the eye contact after a moment, hands shoved in his pockets as he looked at the ground, shifting from foot to foot somewhat awkwardly._

" _Hey… You're M, right?" The shorter of the two asked considerably quietly._

" _Yeah. Who're you?" The blonde inquired, head tilting to the side lightly._

" _I go by Matt. Roger wanted me to show you around since we'll be sharing a room." The redhead, now identified as Matt, sighed, eyes closing momentarily. "Look, I'm not good with people, so let's just get this over with. Alright?" His voice had a newfound tenacious tone._

" _Uh… Sure thing, Matt." The blonde responded with a nod. "How old are you?" M inquired. He had been one of the oldest at his old orphanage and as such had gained some level of a dominant nature. He was used to being looked up to in his previous years, causing him to wonder if he'd have the same unspoken authority over the boys at Wammy's._

" _Eight." Matt mumbled. It was clear that he was already picking up on the vibe M was setting off, signifying that he had already gained some amount of control over his younger. M couldn't help the small smirk that formed on his lips, only sending more complacency in the atmosphere between the two._

 _M didn't have to respond for Matt to know there was a difference. "I'm nine. Anyways, how about you show me around?"_

" _Of course…"_

Mello's eyes trailed to the dimly illuminated ground, letting out a sigh at the distantly familiar name. Though it was never spoken aloud until that moment, it was still written out quite often when they were younger. The most recent time he had seen the name―also the only time in their adulthood―was on the back of the photo that the former chocoholic had went to the spk headquarters to retrieve.

 _Dear Mello…_

The blonde swore that he could see how tense his formal rival was, though the idea of him showing such an obvious 'weakness,' as he would put it, was intriguing to say the least. Near wouldn't dare showing any form of emotion, especially when he knew that he wasn't alone. Mello learned this about the pale boy quite quickly. Of course he had witnessed the various displays of emotion from Near during the months of his supposed absence, but since the white haired boy hadn't been aware of his presence as these times, it still felt strange to see even the slightest indication of distress when they were in the midst of conversing.

Mello eyed his younger after noticing his stiffness, taking note of every detail in his appearance. The way his hair was still messy from his hour long attempt at getting rest, the light glow the moonlight seemed to give his pale features… Another detail that stood out to the blonde were the sharp bags beginning to form under his Near's dull eyes, which held an indecipherable look. He felt a small pang of guilt at this. He didn't enjoy causing Near this pain. No matter what resentment he had held for him due to their difference in intellectual abilities, that never caused him to dehumanize his former rival. The fact that the blonde's mistake in the kidnaping of Kiyomi Takada―which ultimately led to his ostensible demise―was causing such emotions to his younger to affect him months after his death was driving him crazy. He had wanted with all his heart to surpass Near, yes, but he never wanted to hurt him in such a way as this. His thoughts buzzed through different ideas to somehow begin to atone for his guilt, eventually deciding on stating a simple word that would not only stand as the first block in building trust between the two, but also be able to completely assure Near of the reality in his newfound existence. He broke the short-lived silence between the two with his response at hearing the familiar nickname given to him by the pale boy.

"Mihael."


	5. Puppeteer in White

Chapter 5: Puppeteer in White

A suffocating silence passed between the two in the moments after the word left Mello's mouth. Near's hand, which had been absentmindedly twisting his hair, had paused its motions. Near's eyes looked as if he were a child whom had just bore witness to a conversation with vocabulary too strong for him to comprehend, though he held more composure than a child would. The one word alone was enough to both turn the gears in the pale boy's mind while at the same time seeming to halt them completely.

"I see…" The younger closed his eyes momentarily with a sigh. Mello sighed as well, observing his former rival as he shifted on the bed, letting the leg that was at his chest fall back to the floor and pulling up the other in its place. Once his eyes opened again, there was a new yet familiar psyche behind them.

Objectify.

Analyze.

Act.

The humane sense of himself had vanished. Flicked off like a lightswitch and replaced with the robotic mind that Mello had grown used to in their younger years.

"What is it that you're hoping to achieve?" The flat tone of voice left nothing of Near's mindset to the imagination. It was clear that he had no intention of further jeopardizing his intellect with the emotions he let break through his walls in the past months. At this, a look of stable determination gleamed in the azure orbs across the room, though it was like an inverted reflection of his words, as they put across the opposite message.

"I don't know myself. I can't interact with the world other than being visually and auditorily present. But, I still exist, at least in some way…" The blonde stood from the floor, though he made no advance to the other. "My life revolved around you until now. You were the main fuel that gave me drive." Near rolled his eyes, expecting such a response from the former chocoholic.

It didn't take a genius to observe Mello and come to the understanding that he had lost his childhood innocence at an all too early early age. Though, due to his brilliant mind, he had always been able to keep himself going with the mindset of being above others as his fuel. Of course this changed when Near had inevitably intervened with his psyche, causing Mello's purpose to disintegrate and reform itself into the inferiority complex that his life had revolved around, Near being in the center of it all.

Now, with the world pulled out from underneath them, they were the balance to each other's stability. As long as Near was present, Mello had something to work for. Said blonde was able to keep Near grounded, giving him some sort of footing in this world to remain unphasable; stable within the ideal of simply being a puppeteer, endlessly manipulating his toys to win this game of life.

"So, you intend to have me to use you in such a way that you'll once again gain such disdain for me that you'll likely remain motivated to continue in this life with the goal of surpassing me in some way despite having lost everything that you had previously worked for. If I am correct in this assumption, then all I have to say is that I owe you nothing, Mihael." Near stated, swallowing down the taste of poison at speaking the unfamiliar name.

"You can't honestly be expecting me to believe you're apathetic towards me when you know what all I've seen." Mello rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he shifted his weight to his left side, his right leg straightened and a little more to the side as he stared at the younger detective.

"I don't recall stating that I expected anything from you." Near started at Mello with nothing but pure indifference in his eyes. Mello couldn't help the twinge of irritation growing in his chest at Near's cold insouciance. The lack of emotion in his eyes had always set the blonde off during their time at Wammy's. Now, that agitation had resurfaced as he was now more than aware of the storm of emotion lying beyond the facade. Once again seeing Near's cold gaze of indifference had reified Mello's desire to uncoil the ropes which the younger had so easily wrapped around himself as a shield.

Mello locked his gaze with Near's, initiating the staredown of silent words passing between their expressions, unwilling to break the contact out of the blonde's stubborn nature. The heavy silence once again lasted for a few moments before Near turned his head away slightly, eyes closed in thought, unphased by the brewing storm so clear to see within the azure orbs across from him.

"You long ago cut the strings to your own puppet, Mello. Not only that, but you have managed to annihilate it out of this world completely; away from the prying eyes of those observing this sick performance. Yet, you still expect me to somehow rekindle the strings and pull just enough to keep you standing, yet not enough to make you play out the role I would desire once the show starts… That's quite a bit selfish, don't you think?" The pale boy turned to once again meet the azure eyes on the other side of the room, his own narrowed slightly in a cool curiosity of the other's response.

A slight frown formed across the former chocoholic's features, easily making sense of the metaphor Near had laid out for him. Though this was accurate to what he wanting from his younger, having it stating in such a way was uncomfortable for the blonde to say the least. "Essentially, yes, that's what I'm implying." He responded with some hesitance, though it was gone as he continued. "Go ahead and call me selfish. I know you won't kick me out of the headquarters."

Near raised a brow. "I wouldn't be able to make you leave in your current state regardless, would I?" There was a sort of sick curiosity behind the question. One of the things that the detective couldn't understand through assumptions and deductions was the science behind the transient form across from him.

Mello couldn't help but smirk at the realization that he had something that Near didn't, which was the knowledge of his current form. Though he knew it was childish, we couldn't help but complacently hold this information out of his younger's grasp. "Why don't you be observant? I'm sure you can find out for yourself." The taunting tone in the remark caused Near to roll his eyes.

"Very well then…"

Mello blinked at his younger in curiosity as he unbent his knee so his leg fell to the floor next to the other, standing from the warmth of his bed. Near leisurely made his way to the door, paying no mind to the blonde's eyes which followed his movements. Just as he reached the doorway, his hand lashed out toward the blonde's arm. Mello's eyes widened as he watched the paler hand pass through his own, realizing too late to try and dodge the action. Near let his arm fall back to his side, giving a small, satisfied grin before continuing out the doorway of his bedroom.

Mello grit his teeth in irritation, not yet making a move to follow the detective. ' _Of course he would pull something like that…'_ He sighed in agitation at himself for not being prepared for such an obvious move by the pale boy. The blonde soon decided to let it go for now, turning his attention back to the real issue occupying his thoughts. The same one that Near had stated in his own way just minutes before.

What was he to do now?

Would Near actually do anything to his benefit?

Though the answers were uncertain, Mello was able to remain confident in the fact that Near wouldn't simply ignore him. The proof of that was a stockpile of compiled memories in the months of his supposed absence. Despite the emotionless facade now surrounding the younger detective, Mello had seen enough to know that it was a silent lie that both sides knew was pointless, though neither of them knew how to handle it. As such they were both dancing around the nights of misery and continuing on with the present situation.

The blonde's thoughts continued drifting around such matters as his feet went into motion, eventually finding himself once again in front of Near, who had gotten out a deck of cards in the short timeframe that Mello had spent lost in thought. The detective dumped the cards onto the floor, setting the box to the side after the cards had all met their destination on the ground.

Near didn't acknowledge the other's presence in the room, though the blonde was almost certain that he was aware that he was there. Mello sat on the floor a small distance behind the younger, silently watching his pale fingers picked up the cards one by one, setting them up with around an inch and a half of space between them at the bottom, the tops of the cards meeting together in twos. In the end, the albino had constructed a delicate line of triangles and began setting cards atop of the tops of those already standing. Though it was a basic card tower design, the blonde still found himself watching with undivided attention. This only lasted for a minute, as his thoughts drifted back to his predicament once again. Little did he know it would be solved much sooner than expected.

Both entities in the room jumped in surprise at the sound of the door to Near's living quarters slammed against the wall as it was violently flung open. Air caused by the motion made the half finished tower of cards to fall to the ground, though Near's attention was more directed at the door than his toys. Mello looked up to see Lidner, who was out of breath and staring at the younger detective with a panicked look in her eyes.

"What the hell happened?" Mello demanded, standing from the floor. Near's eyes darted back to the blonde, curious of what the SPK member would say both in response to Mello's presence and his question. All three of them fell silent for a moment, and it was then that the former chocoholic realized that Lidner's gaze never left Near.

"...She doesn't know I'm here." The blonde heard himself comment dumbly. Near didn't respond, instead meeting the distressed gaze of the SPK member.

"And what might have you so concerned, Lidner?" The pale boy calmly inquired, letting his gaze fall back to the ground as he began reconstructing the card tower.

"Unexplainable heart attacks just started—and a lot of them. Criminals are dropping like flies, sir. It's on almost every news channel in the country." The rushed explanation paused Near's motions, leaving him holding a card motionlessly for a moment. After taking in the words, he set the card down with a bemused expression.

"What…? That's not possible! I saw it myself, Yagami is dead, all of the Kiras are!" Mello exclaimed, completely dumbfounded in the shock of the revelation. Near sighed at his impulsive reaction of denial, though he of course didn't verbally respond.

"Are you suggesting that this is a cause for the Kira case to be reopened?" Near pulled his gaze back to the woman long enough to pose the question, then letting his body's focus fall back to the cards though his thoughts were on the possible reasons behind these heart attacks.

"Sir… I don't know what else could be causing this."

"Very well then. The investigation will be reopened in the morning." The detective decided with a small nod.

Near realized his mistake too late as Lidner's expression turned to one of confusion. "Sir? It's already morning… Did you not sleep again?"

The albino bit his tongue, though his voice remained steady. "That is not of your concern. If you would disregard what I previously said, the investigation will begin now." A pale hand reached out, toppling over the card tower with a single motion. He then stood, reaching up to twirl his hair. "Have Rester and Gevanni meet me in the investigation room along with yourself. Set up the three most watched news channels on the screens along with the Kira case file. I'll also need to make some calls to get the names and circumstance of the victims afters the chaos dies down some."

"Sir." The woman gave a nod before heading out the door. Near made no move to turn toward the bewildered blonde behind him. Had it been anyone else, Mello would think that they had forgotten his presence all together; but of course this was Near, and the blonde knew no such thing would happen.

"Near."

"Mello."

A pause, then the air itself seemed to smirk.

"It looks like we have our new performance… I wonder who the puppeteer will be this time."


End file.
